god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
