Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
