Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
