They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
