babies were throwing up all over the place
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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