Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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