So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
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ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
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Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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