If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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