final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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