It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
