They should really pass out barf bags in church
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
