Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
