he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
