break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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