When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
