Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
All the doctor said was why
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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