Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
