I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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