there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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