The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
