So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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