and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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