see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Can you repeat that, but with context?
FUCK WHALES
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
