I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
