I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
