Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
