Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
