come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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