AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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