Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
