i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
