Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
nutella sex= disaster
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
