I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
