I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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