A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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