he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I think people are normalizing furries
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
