...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
