I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
