dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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