Taylor Swift is so right about you.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
