I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
