haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
