I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
