Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
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I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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