Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
