i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
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Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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