my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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