There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
