I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
