if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
