You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
