The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
