if only i could text you this smell
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
40s are totally the cure
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
