I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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