Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
