My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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