i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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