when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Green mimosas i think yes
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
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