Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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