I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
only if we run a train.
done.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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