Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
