we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
