I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
