My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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