I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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