It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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