Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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