I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
