She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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