My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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