so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
