I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
