the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
